Let the Flames Begin

"What a shame we all became
such fragile, broken things
A memory remains
just a tiny spark
I give it all my oxygen,
So let the flames begin
Oh, Glory
Somewhere weakness is our strength,
And I'll die searching for it
I can't let myself regret such selfishness
My pain and all the trouble caused,
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all and
Hiding beneath it all, and
Growing beneath it all"

where are the men like this ?

Just wanna let go

things happen in life that can`t be undone

but how do u rebuild a tarnished relationship
how do u put the pieces back together
how do u move on
rid the pain
i mean even if u do move on how do u remove that feeling that lingers in the back of your brain that brings u back to that situation back to that pain
how do u make it better
how do u gain back the trust of someone once you lost it
how do u forgive someone that hurt you deeply

i feel like once im hurt deeply, im hurt forever
i mean i carry around dese burdens
the emotions of all the things that scarred me


i just wanna let it all go...

start over, be happy
i know i cant start over & maybe letting go just takes my strength
maybe i can dance away the pain

idk man
sometimes im just stressed
but i`m gonna look at the brighter* side of things

?

we pay too much attention to the guys that we have to go hard for ; rather than the guys that go hard for us.

whyyyyy is that ?

Dear Kep,

roses, doves
and a whole lot of tears
hurt, pain
and a whole lot of fear

fear
that this is true
that your never coming back
fear
i can`t make it through
that strength is what i lack

hes sitting in a cell
but can have visits & calls
and your gone forever ,
not coming back at all
at times i`m so angry
i don`t know what to do
but then i think to myself
and know that God`s got you

Sometimes I wish I could talk to your killer
ask him "whyy"
as my eyes fill up
these days i can`t wake up
with a dry pillow
gone
but never* forgotten
kep, i still feel ya


Love your cousin,

Ashley

the hardships of death

as i`m sitting at my desk
i`m thinking
and i am consumed with this sadness
greiving, mourning
i miss kepler n how his face would always be greasy , covered in vaseline ...lol
so i`m on myspace right and i come across a girl name nyasia`s memorial page
i didnt no her but her death affected me
she died on feb. 18th , just by being at the wrong place at the wrong time
she was 17 , at a party when violence struck and her life was taken
this brought me back to my cousins death
life is just not fair
i know that hes in a better place
and there is nothing i can do to bring him back and he will always live in my heart
but it doesnt subside the pain
i guess all i can do is mourn

i miss and love you extremely kepler, from bike riding to tryna date all my friends, mannn, i loveeeeeee you big cousin, i really do & to all the other one's i lost ..

big mama, i misssss u & ya comedy , the way u use to say "big mama just fine" and give me all your food and always call me by my moms name by an accident. I know its been years since you`ve been gone. but i still miss u and will never forget you. rest in peace

ricky, u were such a clown man, even though we didnt make it tryna date and ended up not speaking, i enjoyed the times we did spend together, you alwaysss cracked me up , teaching me how to dance n play fighting. you are truly missed. dance in heaven

tyshawn, everytime we hung out it was always you, ricky & i . so it hurttttt me so much when i lost both of you guys months apart. you were always very kind to me and had my best interest. rest in peace.

uncle gary, i never thought i would see the day you would leave ya ashy, everytime u came around my heart would get warm, your the 1 who got me started in modeling, taught me to drive, etc. you love me extremely & i love you too, ...just "chicken"...lol , rest in peace


death has to happen, this i know, so i`m gonna cherish every moment & every loved one.
this could be my last moment or yours, remember time* waits for no man.

Thank you God

xoxo, Ashley Jenelle

Scared of Lonely

This is a song by Beyonce` that I love ...


I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely


I mean i don`t want to grow old alone so sometimes I`m scared of lonely too. Like that comfort of having someone there for you at the end of the night no matter what, through it all, is beautiful and I hope* to obtain it 1 day.